Bulletin Boards and the Liberty League Crown

One of the stock “insights” that comes from College Football pundits during bowl season is that the number one team in the country will grow soft and complacent from the media’s onslaught of praise and predictions during the month-long layover between conference championships and the national championship. Meanwhile, the underdog seethes for being slighted, planning the moment they silence the doubters. They have everything to prove and nothing to lose.

Many coaches at all levels of pro sports tell their players to ignore the news media and all the outside views about the team. As simple as this seems, it is not realistic because for one- the internet and Sportscenter are inevitably absorbed, and two-most people care about how they are perceived and thus like to be in the news.

Our team deals with similar issues but news about us is on a much smaller scale. As far as media, we all follow two blogs about Division III tennis maintained by anonymous hosts- apparently one blogger is from California and the other is from the Atlantic South. (D3TENNIS and TENNISd3) We also use an encyclopedia named Ben Guzick who knows every result and can list the entire roster of any top 20 or ranked Central team. Yes, that includes the biographical information and a scouting report of each player. Now, whenever we quiz him, we give him obscure teams in regions he is unfamiliar with and he hopes to get the answers wrong because he considers his knowledge “an affliction.”

I will cold call him right now as a test:

Me: Hey BG, two questions. Occidental 3.
BG: I don’t know, sorry.
[Ouch 0-1]
Me: Brandeis 5.
BG: That’s easy, Rozenshteyn, even Mike knew that.
[Well excuse me.]
Me: Colby 5.
BG: Matt Mantikas.
[Correct. 2-3]Me: From?
BG: Oh sorry, not sure. Is this for a blog or something?
Me: Maybe. Willamette 2.
BG: I always get them confused with Linfield… hmmm… Kyle Anderson.
[Anderson is the Linfield no. 2. Almost. 2-4.]

The point is that players are going to read the news and seek out news about themselves because they want to be in the know. While coaches can’t stop this news consumption, they can manage it with use of a bulletin board that showcases articles criticizing the team. Even the coach of a heavily favored team can manage the bulletin board material to instill the hunger of an underdog in his favored squad.

Before the season, team captain Mike Mattelson distributed a season preview about Skidmore from D3TENNIS with several lines highlighted:

“They will almost certainly win their conference giving them an NCAA berth but I think they are a few years away from being a threat to a top seed in their region. I would expect a similar year to last year for Skidmore.”

“They should win the Liberty League title easily.”

Skidmore finished third in the Liberty League and Vassar goose-egged St. Lawrence to capture the Liberty League Crown. Celebrating with a sparkling apple cider fight (but forgetting to spray coach) or pretending the plaque is Lord Stanley’s Cup and finding everyday uses for it is almost as satisfying as proving the doubters wrong.

This material came out after our loss to Williams:

“They were one of the hottest teams in the country a month ago but their flaws became apparent when they started facing stronger competition… They just don't have the depth of the other top Northeast teams and if they can't get ahead in doubles it will be very tough for them to stay competitive with top 20 teams.” - D3 TENNIS

“Vassar will obviously make the tournament with ease but due to geographic proximity, I think it is very possible they will end up playing a regional at Middlebury. A sweet 16 appearance isn't out of the question for Vassar, but they don't have the team to go any further.” - D3 TENNIS

In preparation for Amherst and nationals, this is going on the bulletin board.

An Analysis of the Secrets and Considerations of Spelt

When planting spelt, there are several concerns. One, are the hessian flies going to destroy it? Is the lack of fencing going to facilitate unnecessary and unadvertised losses to negligence? Is the non-manipulation of genetic material, as amassed through years of hybridized breeding and sequential drilling with International Harvester machinery, setting the grower back? There are countless others. In fact there are so many that only a determined masochist would attempt a germination test. Fact is, spelt is out of date, underappreciated, unappreciated, and non-appreciated. The hessian fly (originally of Hestia, but immigrated to this country with foreigners of foreign descent) poses a grave threat to the health of the crop. After sowing (ideally at a uniform rate of two and 6 thousandths of an inch) in a sandy loamy clay soil of sufficiently organic matter, the crop should be sprayed excessively with pesticides, herbicides, and insecticides to insure as little biodiversity as possible. In fact I would recommend making major capital donations to monsanto and dow agro-science, etc. to help fund the development of roundup ready seed. As that hasn't yet been developed, we digress at the mercy of the pests. Besides hessian fly, there is the German weevle, the California beetle, the scourge of St. Louis, and the black butterfly that all are potential destructors. Due to the historical lack of genetic manipulation, spelt has not been imporoved by natural selection and hybridization. In fact, it remains on of the most primitive grains still grown by man. Nevertheless, there is a determined and dedicated group of followers that would plant nothing else. Thus we are at the mercy of the vagaries of the crop.


At harvest time, the crop must be collected at night and as quickly as possible. Spelt, unlike wheat, will spook and shatter its grain if it is harvested in the daytime. The spelt plant is one who does not like to give up her secrets. Stealth at harvest is key, otherwise the surrounding spelt will do little more than reseed the ground (at which point it will be very difficult to collect of the ground). These are the concerns. The rewards are few, the work difficult, the cost high. But for a man of determination, gluten free bread is the only bread.

The End of Spring Break

One week removed from an blissful two-week Spring break, I’ve had some time to reflect and gather my thoughts, which is important in maintaining the quality of my posts as I do not want to churn out blogs just because I’ve come under pressure from various interested parties.


This has been a newsworthy month for Vassar men’s tennis but I decided to spare my audience from an aggrandizing blog about sweeping our rival Skidmore or about earning the program’s first ITA national ranking. I could have framed an entry with a revenge theme during Spring break as we knocked off Coe 8-1 and captured a program-first win against TCNJ 5-4. We’re 9-0 on the year and coming off a 3-0 Spring break trip so the undefeated frame was appealing but I’m tired of hearing about undefeated teams considering themselves the underdog and taking it one game, match, or week at a time.


Since I will not use any of the aforementioned frames, I’ll give the highlights of the break in a slightly different way.

The Magic Number is TWO:

After losing to Coe 5-4 in the previous TWO meetings, Vassar won 8-1.

Rochester’s Brian Bowman defeated Mike Mattelson in their TWO meetings Mike’s sophomore year, but Mike grinded out a three-set win to complete the sweep for the Brewers.

TWO tennis matches were canceled because of rain so the team went to TWO movies. I dashed out of The Crazies so I ended up seeing three movies, none worth mentioning.

I visited my friend’s farm on Long Island and assisted in the slaughter of TWO veal calves.

I shadowed at the NFL Player Development office in Manhattan for TWO days. Even though I was disappointed that there was no office linebacker, I met some amazing people and had a heck of a time.


Spring Break Most Likely Awards:

Greg - Most likely to dive head first into a hedge after being booted off of the show “Cash Cab.”
Josh - Most likely to bowl his second ball just before the pins are reset.
Ben - Most likely to fall into an alligator enclosure.
Max - Most likely to dig up tapes for a tabloid or drive a yellow car.
Andrew - Most likely to swallow a bottle of seltzer water.
Mike - Most likely to play high stakes mini golf.
Jeremy - Least likely to ever play tennis on an indoor court again.
Shane - Most likely to start a DIII tennis blog.

Brewers Open Spring Vs. Manhattanville

The Vassar men's tennis team kicks off the Spring season Saturday, February 12 at home in Walker Fieldhouse against Manhattanville.

For the inside scoop on the Brew Crew, check out my season preview.

Also take a look at the revamped player bios, the best in D3.

Here's the soon to be wallpaper graphic I made to represent the upcoming season:

Love for My Housemates

In a country enamored with using superlatives (I hope to coin the words “superlatize” and superlatization) in an attempt to contextualize the feats of modern athletes among those of legends, we excessively and prematurely dole out greatest of all time (GOAT) labels. Think of the overabundance of Kobe and Jordan comparisons. Thanks to this climate, I have always fantasized of one day being a GOAT.

My freshman year, upon hearing that LSU’s JaMarcus Russell threw a football 85 yards while standing, 65 yards kneeling, and 45 yards lying down, I organized what I believe was Vassar College’s first ever Pro Day to showcase the NFL-readiness of myself and some friends. Unfortunately, no scouts attended, but I learned that I can throw from my knees just as far as JaMarcus Russell can lying down.

Since I realized that I would never be a GOAT, uncovering the next “diamond in the rough” and sharing this endowed athlete with the world seemed like a more reasonable endeavor. To carry a fantasy like this in my pocket, I overstate my ability to scout and evaluate talent. To those who question my scouting ability, I offer an eloquently paraphrased, self-serving quotation I once saw in my coach’s office: “the eye for talent is rarer than the talent itself.” That line segues into boasting about my biggest scouting accomplishment ever, winning an autographed JaMarcus Russell helmet because I predicted more 1st round picks than anyone at the 2007 NFL Draft, including my idol, Mel Kiper Jr. Put it this way: when I people-watch at the Retreat, I don’t judge appearances, I grade draft prospects.

I once again hit the jackpot with my overstated talent evaluation skills because I nabbed what I consider two of the greatest athletes in the history of Vassar College for housemates.

Honestly, this realization just snuck up on me today, so let me give some unexpected and overdue props to two of my four housemates (sorry Katie and Kristina, you’re cool too), Michael Mattelson and Emily Haeuser, tennis king and basketball queen.

After crunching numbers all morning, I conclude that Mike will go down in the Vassar men’s tennis annals as the GOAT and Emily will most likely finish her career as Vassar women’s basketball’s most prolific rebounder and a top 3 scorer.

I remember seeing Mike for the first time in Coach Kroll’s office with all the other freshmen trying out, and thinking that he didn’t look old enough to be in college. The first time I saw Mike play was a practice match outdoors against this stud recruit from Bolletieri’s IMG Academy whose tennis background intimidated everyone. In the only point I watched, the Bolletieri guy cracked a first serve and Mike shanked it over the fence so I figured that little Mikey was getting trounced. Turns out he won. I realized that this nondescript, little kid could play when he ripped a crosscourt forehand winner off a ball up around his head from then captain Erik Skartvedt’s heavy topspin forehand. Coach and I exchanged looks of bewilderment and mouthed in unison, “Whoa.”

I still haven’t fully realized the extent of Mike’s tennis mastery. I practice with him everyday but it wasn’t until recently when I played IM doubles with him that something about his game struck me. He was closing on volleys the way Ray Lewis comes through the gap and lights up a running back. I was playing with a linebacker who took control of the net and made a play on just about every ball. It wasn’t just his quickness that elicited the cross-sport comparisons with Ray Lewis, it was his ball-striking. When Ray Lewis hits somebody, there’s a characteristic violence, a frightening extra bit of pop that I also notice in Mike’s volleys.

I remember the first time I played basketball with Emily, the tall girl on my hall, and at some point between her unblockable southpaw shot, baby hooks and vicious elbows to my gut, I commented, “Dude, you’re more physical than the guys I play with.” She didn’t appreciate that comparison but it worked in my favor because she adjusted her game, and instead of mauling me under the hoop, she drained contact-free jumpers right in my face. Remarkably, it seemed like I never had to box her out for a rebound because there really were not many anytime she shot the ball.

Because this is a lot to digest, let me put it in perspective. If someone came to me my freshman year, when I knew nothing about VC Athletics, and told me I had the opportunity to see two of the greatest athletes in school history in the final season of their collegiate careers, I would go see each of them play at least once. No joke.

At last year’s VC Athletics Banquet, the awards for Male and Female athlete of the year went to the super-couple of Scott Leserman and Emily Love. This Spring, imagine the stroll home from the Athletics Banquet, Emily on the left, Mike on right, each athlete of the year linked to an arm of the extraneous and unlikely node, me.

Vassar Slogan Help From My Father

I wasn’t planning on writing a blog today but I received some inspiration from the man who endowed me with my creativity, my dad. I figure that because Rick Reilly and Bill Simmons both have columns where they share interesting emails, and both have written pieces about their fathers; I can shoot for combining the two in this entry.

My “Vassar Needs a Slogan” post came out a few weeks ago, which is ages in the blogging community, but my pops came off the bench late in the game and delivered some great suggestions. Now I’ll share the fresh ideas and advice from the best teacher and hustler I know -- My dad. Non-pasteurized and unabridged, here is the greatest e-mail I’ve ever received. No faux superlative. No joke.

From: Sherwood Donahue

Date: November 12, 2009 9:09:23 AM EST

To: Shane Donahue

Subject: Re: VASSAR SLOGAN CONTEST

HERE ARE SOME ENTRIES FOR THE VASSAR SLOGAN CONTEST. PRIZE SHOULD BE AT LEAST $100. YOU NEED TO GET MORE READERS FOR YOUR BLOG. IT IS OUTSTANDING!

VASSAR WINS OR ELSE

CEREBRAL- "PONDER VICTORY"

BE TRUE TO YOUR SKOOL

WIN OR DIE

A WIN FOR VASSAR IS A WIN FOR ........... FILL IN (DA PEOPLE- HISTORY-HIGHER LEARNING.... (WATCH OUT FO THE DOUBLE MEANING ON THIS ONE))

THE PRIDE AND THE POISE ( RAIDERS DON'T NEED THIS ONE ANYMORE AND PEOPLE BACK EAST DON'T KNOW IT)

GIVE IT UP FOR VASSAR

VASSAR DON'T PLAY (MY PERSONAL FAVORITE)

VASSAR- FIGHT LIKE A PIT BULL

YOU GO AGAINST VASSAR, YOU ARE MAKING A BIG MISTAKE

VASSAR SAYS "MAKE OUR DAY" (MAYBE A PICTURE OF CLINT IS NEEDED WITH THE MAGNUM POINTING)

VASSAR IS GONNA GREEN ON YOU

Shane, I see a lucrative t-shirts business for the Sports Information Department or for an enterprising young student. Contact the art department for silkscreen guys. Feel free to use any of my slogans-examples-t-shirts etc.

Love Dad

The Illusion of "Clutch"

I have always considered myself a “clutch” performer. I have never missed a penalty kick in soccer. In baseball, I celebrated my 8th birthday with a grand slam and was disappointed on my next birthday when I didn’t come through with the grand slam, but hit for the cycle instead.

In my Vassar tennis career, one shot stands out as clutch. Down 6-5 match point in the 3rd set tiebreaker against Coe College, I turned toward the back fence and crossed my arms with fists clenched to form an “X.” I stepped up to the ad side a few steps behind the baseline, twisting my racquet in my hand, ready to return. A booming first serve came and I ripped the biggest, cleanest forehand winner of my life, right down the line and yelled, “Allez!”

I went on to win the tiebreaker 10-8 but was disappointed by not winning sooner and having to use my X-Factor. My X-Factor refers to a sign I make by crossing my arms as a cue to concentrate in critical situations when I need to be clutch. I’ve been flaunting my X-Factor ever since the human joystick return specialist Dante Hall lit up the NFL and although I don’t think it always works, I only remember the times when it does.
My personal experience makes me question the idea of clutch. Can an athlete actually raise their level of play at critical moments or is clutch a construct or fabrication?

We remember all of Jordan’s buzzer beaters but we forget that he also missed 29 game-winning shots. Clutch implies that some internal state, aware of the situation’s gravity, makes Jordan more likely to hit a particular shot when it’s a buzzer beater as opposed to a routine 1st quarter FG.

John Elway’s famous 4th quarter comebacks make clutch seem like procrastination because he waited until the end of the game to play well as was the case with my aforementioned tennis match.

My tennis match was only clutch on an individual level anyway, because although it tied the team score at 4-4, Vassar dropped the final match and lost, rendering my clutch win irrelevant.

In certain cases, it takes only one spectacular play to earn clutch status as David Tyree did with the “Helmet Catch” in Superbowl XLII.

In last year’s Superbowl, the Steelers’ Ben Roethlisberger threw a beautiful pass that should have been caught by Santonio Holmes for the game-winning score. Imagine that Roethlisberger doesn’t make the equally spectacular game-winning pass a couple plays later. Is the first throw clutch by Roethlisberger even though Holmes dropped it? Even though Roethlisberger stepped up in that moment to deliver the perfect throw, he is not clutch if it is not completed and they do not win. It becomes a forgotten pass.

I decided to write a Sports Psyc research paper on clutch but my professor shot down that idea because there isn’t much empirical data for clutch performance. That makes sense because clutch is intangible and by definition, cannot be measured like a 40 time.
If clutch does exist, it may be a heightened state of arousal that improves concentration and enhances performance. Think of an average lady lifting up a car to save her child trapped underneath. This clutch phenomenon could be measurable through somatic components such as heart rate, blood pressure, and skin conductance; but it may be hard to take Tom Brady’s vitals while he’s leading a game-winning drive in a Superbowl.

There is a football scene in the movie The 6th Day starring Arnold Schwarzenegger the Governator (he’s my governor so I can call him that) and the QB has a heads-up display that tells the play and alerts him of blitzes. Perhaps this sort of breakthrough is not far off as helmets are already fitted with radios for calling plays. Researchers have placed sensors in helmets to measure the impact of a hit on the neck and head.

Today, we are probably capable of measuring vitals or even brain activity with EEG (Electroencephalography) by modifying a helmet. Sports psychology awaits that one key innovation that leads to a series of advances in performance studies. This moment of invention that spurs rapid technological advancement is known as the alpha barrier. Only 66 years after the Wright’s first heavier-than-air flight, man landed on the moon. I suspect that Sports Psychology is approaching an alpha barrier breakthrough that may help to explain the clutch phenomenon. For now, clutch is a convenient fiction so I can wait to debunk it.